Uncertainty and expectation are the joys of life!



Yesterday was Easter, Little One.

We went camping over the weekend in Lancaster. On Saturday RB and I went to an Amish farmers market, went shopping at the outlets and played a round of mini golf. It was our first time ever playing mini golf together, even after being with each other for over six years! RB beat me by two points (that was after I lost my golf ball in the creepy blue-dyed water that every mini golf place has, and then again in a nearby bush). It is nice that even after six years we still have firsts. But of course, when you come along there will be a ton of firsts for us to encounter together.

Sunday my Mom and I returned to the outlets together, and despite most things being closed we did find an open childrens clothing store. The above picture is what your Grandparents got you for Easter. You’re already getting showered with things, Little One. But there is no way that picture could reflect the amount of love everyone already feels for you.

When we got back to the car from shopping at the childrens store, my mom broke out into tears. I asked her what the waterworks were all about, and she says, “I am just so incredibly excited for you. It’s so good to finally see you happy and excited and full of hope.” And she was absolutely right: last year, Easter was depressing. I couldn’t go anywhere near, let alone into, a childrens clothing store without an overwhelming feeling of anxiety, pain and loss. It has since been replaced with a feeling of excitement and joy. It’s such a beautiful thing to witness, that darkness coming into the light. It’s like seeing the first bloom of spring after a really harsh winter. After months of a cold raw environment, this little tiny bloom coming up out of the hardest of places makes your entire heart hopeful for new life.

It’s downright amazing, Lo.

I can’t wait to be the Easter Bunny for you, to take you on these camping trips, to shop for you in those stores. There are so many memories ahead that RB and I are so very excited for, and hopefully next year or soon after we’ll be able to see them be fulfilled.

In other news, this morning we passed our inspection from the Fire Marshall. Next week we have our physicals, the vet appointment for the pets, and the inspection from the health department. After that we just need to get our finger prints, and submit all the paperwork. Then its three more visits from the social worker. If all goes as planned, we should be “paper pregnant” by May!

It’s all becoming a lot more real, Lo. I can’t wait until you’re here.


With a joyful heart of anticipation,




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