Time to get a bit nerdy, Little One.
I am strong believer in the Chaos Theory and the Butterfly Effect. What are these two wild and crazy
Chaos theory studies the behavior of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions, an effect which is popularly referred to as the butterfly effect. Small differences in initial conditions (such as those due to rounding errors in numerical computation) yield widely diverging outcomes for chaotic systems, rendering long-term prediction impossible in general.This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future behavior is fully determined by their initial conditions, with no random elements involved. In other words, the deterministic nature of these systems does not make them predictable. This behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos.
In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions; where a small change at one place in a nonlinear system can result in large differences to a later state. The name of the effect, coined by Edward Lorenz, is derived from the theoretical example of a hurricane’s formation being contingent on whether or not a distant butterfly had flapped its wings several weeks before. Although the butterfly effect may appear to be an esoteric and unusual behavior, it is exhibited by very simple systems: for example, a ball placed at the crest of a hill might roll into any of several valleys depending on slight differences in initial position. The butterfly effect is a common trope in fiction when presenting scenarios involving time travel and with “what if” cases where one storyline diverges at the moment of a seemingly minor event resulting in two significantly different outcomes.
Non-jargon: Everything happens for a reason. Not always fate, not always a miracle – but a tried and true reason. A butterfly flapping his wings in Africa can affect the hurricane season in North America. One little tiny change in the ecosystem, and everything in the world is altered.
I firmly believe that is playing a part in us getting to you. We heard about this situation in January and (Sidenote: still no news about any decision made or not made) while it might not play out that the expectant mom in New Jersey is carrying you it doesn’t mean that we didn’t hear about that for a reason. It was a catalyst in us starting our adoption journey. That was the butterfly, and now we’re in the eye of the hurricane.
Like the eye of a hurricane, right now all is quiet and still, but you can feel in your bones something huge is about to hit. That is the way I feel right now. It’s a sixth sense, a feeling. Maybe its the almost deafening silence and stillness in the air. Maybe its the way the air smells, all the ions being released from the storm that surrounds you. But I can sense something big is about to happen, and its all because of the butterfly in New Jersey. Because that butterfly flapped those tiny little wings, our whole world has changed.
And I feel its going to continue. Everything happens for a reason, and while we may not understand it yet it’s going to make sense one day. I have seen it firsthand many times in my life. disappointments, triumphs…they all play into a master plan. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in fate, religion, Kismet or luck. Science proves that nothing in this world is random. Even if you look at the very surface of human anatomy. The beauty of how our bodies work is truly amazing, no parts of what makes up who we physically are was put in to place without a bona-fide reason for being there. (Of course now we don’t need a few organs, we can all spare a gallbladder or appendix, but they had purpose before in the evolutionary cycle). Our bodies are amazing things, and they are not random. Science, religion – whichever camp you come from – there is a reason they are there. Whether you think God put them there or Evolution did the trick, we can all agree that it’s for a reason.
The reasons and actions that had to be in place for RB and I even meeting were pretty amazing. We were both looking at the same time in our lives, and we were at the same place in our lives. RB once had plans of joining the Air Force, but they didn’t work out. If they would have, we would most likely not have met. I had plans of going to college far away, but decided against it. If I had, we probably wouldn’t have met. We both had failed relationships and knew what we wanted in a partner, and all those sad days and disappointments were actually setting us up for this amazing part of our lives together. Those broken roads led us to each others arms.
I could go on and on. Fate and chaos theory and the butterfly effect are the reasons behind everything in our lives, good and bad. Right place right time has brought so much good into our lives. It’s the reason we have the jobs we have now (If I wouldn’t haven gotten laid off and had to have kidney surgery, RB wouldn’t have had to have sought our a different job and that led him into the great position he’s in. If I didn’t take the opportunities that have been given to me I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in.) It’s led us to our pets, our friends, our schools, our home. Everything, positive and negative, has had its reason.
Similarly, there is reasoning behind when and where our family will begin. Do not get me wrong here, Little One. It’s going to take a lot of work. There will be a lot of long nights and countless hours spent trying to find you. A lot of these reasons and luck are built on a strong foundation of hard work and perseverance. But still, I feel there is a master plan at play here. I’m not sure who is in control of that plan. Dependent on your beliefs it could be God, or fate, or energy, or a butterfly flapping its tiny wings thousands of miles away. What I do know is this: the way you’ll come in to our lives will not be random. It will be for a reason, at the right time and the right place.
Meanwhile, RB and I are laying all the groundwork. It has been hard, tedious, and nerve wracking. But in the end, it will all be worth it.
Until then, I’m waiting patiently for the beat of your wings, tiny butterfly.