Today is Valentines Day.Loved by many, hated by several, ambivolent to few. Everyone has a view on V-Day, and its more often than not a very strong opinion.
My view?I absolutely love it.
I’ve always loved Valentines Day. An entire day based on nothing but love? How can you not love that concept?
And it gets me thinking about love and romance, and how RB and I are very lucky because we are completely surrounded by great examples of romantic love: both sets of our parents are madly in love. Our siblings are married and madly in love. I cannot remember a single instance in my childhood or adulthood where my parents screamed at each other. They would disagree, but they would discuss it like adults and come to a conclusion together. The same with RBs parents, grandparents and our siblings. Love and strong marriages have been around us for a very long time.
And heres the clincher Little One: if I’m sure of one thing in this big crazy world, its that RB and I are complete and utter soul mates. I know you’re probably gagging at the sweetness at this point, but just trust me here.
You’re most likely going to moan and groan as a teenager when your parents kiss in front of you. You’re going to roll your eyes when we walk hand in hand down the street. But I can solidly promise you this: you’ll never have to complain about going to two different houses for Christmas. You’ll never have a hatred for a step-parent. You’ll never stay over at a friends house whose parents are still together and silently think to yourself I wish my parents were together and in love.
Instead, you’ll be that friend whose parents are still annoyingly in love.
RB and I have a love so powerful, it could move mountains. We were (quite literally, I sometimes think) a match made in heaven. We are the true definition of soul mates. You will never have to wonder if we do or do not love each other. It will always be evident that we are crazy about each other.
And its because our bond is so incredibly strong that I think we were chosen for this particular journey. I’ve done a lot of soul searching lately Little One. I’ve been thinking alot about infertility, fate, love, what makes us human, how things turn out, reasoning behind why things happen… how everything in this world is so connected and we’re too small to even realize the power of those connections that sweep right in front of our faces every single day. And in all these thoughts, one thing rings true no matter what: RB and I are in this together. We’re on the same page about everything, and we’re there to support each other no matter what.
I had a problem last night picking out a Valentines Day card for RB. I went shopping with my friend, SB (and we made a few other stops- including one to a psychic. More on that in another post!) and we stopped at Target to pick up some Valentines Day presents for our significant others. While staring down a long row of red, pink and white greeting cards I took a deep breathe before diving in. I must have picked up and read through over three dozen cards, none of them perfect. Some were just mean (They were meant to be funny, like you’re so lucky you married me because I’m awesome and you’re totally lost without me idiot kind of cards), some were way too sappy (My Dearest Darling Husband: I wake up in the morning and study your eyelashes and know that they’ll be the eyes I look into until the day I die…) and some just didn’t feel right.
And I realized why: our love is undefinable. As famously written by Edgar Allen Poe in his poem Annabelle Lee and a quote we used as a theme in our wedding, We loved with a love that was more than love. And I know its a sappy sentiment, but its quite true. Our love is more than love. Our love is power and truth and beauty and everything that is right in this world. Our love is earth shattering, mountain moving, heart stopping, butterfly in your throat, can’t go a day without thinking about how amazing it is kind of love.
And try as I might with words, our love is beyond words. Our love is beyond everything.
Because of its power and beauty and strength, our love was built to endure. Our love is a survivor. Our love is an anchor. And our love will carry us through to get to you.
We did not ask to face infertility (who would?), but we play the cards we were dealt. And maybe we’ve been connected and found this soul awakening love in each other for a reason, a reason that you fit in to. I’m going to be completely and utterly honest here: its a hard road for people with infertilty. Its hard to feel sexy when sex is no longer romantic, but a glaring reminder of your physical misgivings…that primal utilitarian use has been stripped away without your consent. But in another way, we are lucky. The manifestation of our love might never be a natural child, but our love harmonizes and creates so many other beautiful things to add to this world. Our love is not primal, its very cerebral. We decide, not our biology and pheromones, that we love each other. And while there is so much chemistry between us, it’s not based on repopulating the planet. Its actually about loving each other, completely, for who we really are inside, not our genetic makeup.
In doing all this soul searching, something has become incredibly clear to me:we do not have souls. We have bodies. Our souls are who and what we are, our bodies are what we’re given to carry around our souls.
Our love and our family are so much bigger than bodies. It’s soulmates.
In these bodies we will live,
In these bodies we will die.
Where you invest your love,
You invest your life.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.We already love your soul.I can’t wait to see what body God puts you in.
Happy Valentines Day, Little One.