Sweeping Resolution: I’m going to be more positive.
This is not the end, its just the beginning. I have to stop thinking that if this BM says she wants to parent that it will be all over – because it so won’t. It would just mean going to step 2: finding a different BM. Its as simple as that.
And I also have to stop thinking that this BM is going to automatically say no. We don’t know that. We don’t know that she’ll say yes, but either way I need to be more positive. I need to stop thinking negatively until we hear any more news, instead I need to think positively until we hear something negative. I need to flip my thinking, and it won’t be easy but its something I have to do.
If I think positively, and we get negative news I will recover. I will bounce back. It won’t be the end of the world or the end of this journey, it will be a transition from step one to step two. In this life there is not just a plan A and a plan B, theres also a plan C, D, E, F, G…. and so on and so on. Nothing will stop me from getting you little one. A band of wild horses couldn’t keep us apart.
Theres a line of lyrics from one of my favorite songs that says, Am I part of the cure, or am I part of the disease? I need to start thinking in a cure sense of mind, and stop with the diseased thinking. You very well could be due in June. Or you could be due in some other month, some other year… but I have to focus on what is in front of me right now, and what is in front of me right now is that you could be in our arms in June. And I feel in my heart, though I’m try hard as I might to supress it to arm myself – that you will be in our arms sooner than later.
The next steps:
1. Seeing the lawyer on Friday- I’ve already started writing a long list of questions for her.
2. Start the homestudy – We’re going to ask the lawyer which agency she recommends.
3. Wait for more word about this BM – she’s receiving more counseling this weekend.
4. See where steps 1, 2, and 3 lead.
Two days to go until the next step.
I’m taking baby steps to get to you baby.