Waiting is the hardest part…

Still no word, little one.

This wait is killing me.

I keep thinking…maybe I’ve just been lying to myself. Maybe I’ve blown this so out of proportion in my own head, that I’m going to be completely and utterly crushed when we do hear word. I must be an idiot for letting myself dream that something this amazing and perfect and wonderful could happen to me. How did I ever think I would be that lucky?

I keep preparing myself for a let down. My stomach has been churning for days, and I know if I don’t hear anything tonight I will not be able to sleep.

 

Well, thats a lie. If I do hear something tonight, I still won’t be able to sleep. If I hear good news, I’ll be too excited to sleep. If I hear bad news, I’ll be too devestate to sleep.

Only time will tell. But until then, this wait is brutal.

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One thought on “Waiting is the hardest part…

  1. My heart is breaking when I hear the tremor of fear in your voice. I wish mom’s had a magic wand that makes only joy enter your life. I don’t know why she didn’t call. Maybe, she’s exhausted, and went to sleep. Maybe, she getting ready to reenter life in Monday morning. Maybe, she’s avoiding you because the BM changed her mind, and is no longer putting her baby up for adoption. Maybe, this Little One isn’t yours after all
    Before you breakdown, remember the joy, anticipation, and hope that this Little One gave you both. You’ve researched, planned, iniated, and evaluated. You have decided to be pro-active. To go after your dreams… To get a baby into your lives. You rejoined the living, been hopeful, been happy. Do not ever lose the gifts that this Little One gave us.
    Maybe, everything is great, and you just have to wait to know that this is YOUR LITTLE ONE! You and Rick are our little ones, and trust me that everything will be fine. You have to BELIEVE. Love you

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