I’m either on the cusp of greatness or the edge of insanity…

Today and tomorrow might be two of the hardest days in this journey. I’m waiting (admittedly not so patiently) to hear word about the counseling, and I’m nervous as ever. My thumbs are torn to shreds from nervously picking at the skin next to my thumb nail, and I feel like time is passing so slowly.I’ve been thinking and praying and hoping and crying a lot today, little one. And this could be just the begining.

Or it could be the end.

I’m terrified.

Tomorrow awaits a new day, and hopefully good news.

I’ve never felt this way before. I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my life, and we’re still only on step one. Luckily we have a great support system who has been with us all day today through calls and texts, and RB and I lean on each other a lot. We’ve both cried tears of joy mixed with a big dose of fear today. We’re trying to keep busy, RB painting upstairs and me cleaning and organizing downstairs, but it doesn’t mask the fact that the next forty eight hours could determine the rest of our lives.

 

And this is only step one.

 

I’m going to need to find a lot of inner strength to make it to step 11: you.

But then I think about how amazing its going to be to be your mother, And then I remember my inner strength is you.

 

Until tomorrow little one, when hopefully we’ll know you’re our little one.

 

 

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