Waiting is hard. I’m just going to throw that out there. I’ve never been a very patient person, and this experience is just amplifying that bad quality. And when I say I’m not patient, boy do I mean it.
I’m probably the worst person to try and surprise. I feel bad for people who do try, because I will more times than not figure out something is up and mole my way straight to the truth. (I’m anticipating a call from the FBI to be recruited as an agent. Oh yeah, I’m that good). And when theres a big trip coming up, I will pack a week in advance because I’m so impatient and then I will end up with no clothes to wear for a week. Its a problem. It’s something I’m trying to work on, it really is, but it’s so, so hard.
I can’t stand this wait for you. I’m trying to lessen the effect by giving myself steps: 1. Wait for counseling response. 2. Wait for lawyer appointment 3. Waiting to begin homestudy, 4,5,6. Wait for homestudy home visits 7. Wait for homestudy approval 8. Purchase essentials 9. Wait for your birth 10. Wait for 30 day waiting period to be over. Even just writing that out was overwhelming and exhaustive. I wish so badly I could just skip to step 11: we live happily ever after. Unfortunately little one, that doesn’t exist yet… unless time travel has been invented, in which case future me would visit me right now to prove it’s been invented…
…drat. It has not.
I’m trying to go about this logically to spare my feelings if it doesn’t work out, but I’ve got to admit I’m one hundred percent fooling myself and I know it. I couldn’t be any more emotionally invested in this process.
One day down, many more steps to go. It will still be worth it.